Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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