god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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