I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
