Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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