In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
