Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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