first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
