dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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