By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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