Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize