the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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