Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
