My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
