is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
