WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
