i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
