Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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