Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
