Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
vagina is talking i cant
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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