God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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