Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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