I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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