You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
