Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
