apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
