Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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