all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
