Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life is so much better after having sex.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
