is your mom at the bar?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
