around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
