Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
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Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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