I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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