U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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