Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
