god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
