you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
