two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
