mondays should just be called national damage control day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't deserve a penis
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
