I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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