Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
