Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
