I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.