is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs