Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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