is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.