Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  for doing what?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.

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  (248): ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day. (1-248): for doing what? (248): for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home. http://tfl.nu/ju4n
  Replies (33) Good night (2545) Bad night (551)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.

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  (438): I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures. http://tfl.nu/qhtl
  Replies (17) Good night (3139) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well

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  (845): the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well http://tfl.nu/8bb3
  Replies (22) Good night (3407) Bad night (1095)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?

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  (512): Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over? http://tfl.nu/e898
  Replies (11) Good night (3466) Bad night (2414)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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  (760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny
  Replies (22) Good night (936) Bad night (5225)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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  (978): I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine. http://tfl.nu/o5fg
  Replies (15) Good night (2720) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.

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  (214): I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities. http://tfl.nu/q7gc
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (739)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

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  (207): remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are? http://tfl.nu/u6le
  Replies (6) Good night (2338) Bad night (668)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...

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  (405): He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door... http://tfl.nu/vmh9
  Replies (3) Good night (1154) Bad night (434)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  ...Wow...

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I could be a kindergarten teacher

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  (309): It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life. (1-309): ...Wow... (309): I could be a kindergarten teacher http://tfl.nu/o4tt
  Replies (20) Good night (1331) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me

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  (214): I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me http://tfl.nu/jsiz
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

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  (480): Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch... http://tfl.nu/farg
  Replies (4) Good night (316) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5

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  (616): Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5 http://tfl.nu/krr8
  Replies (8) Good night (621) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.

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  (408): Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring. http://tfl.nu/7yo3
  Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.

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  (425): Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with. http://tfl.nu/lpz8
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (299)

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