umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
