Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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