He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A+ Viking dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
