I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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