It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
