I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
