I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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