Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
