Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
