I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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