i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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