M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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