best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
