Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
