I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
