I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
