# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
