I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
