um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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