a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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