did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
