My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
