Got a toothbrush?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish i was in the wii world.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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