margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize