Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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