I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize