I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
