I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
