I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
