i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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