Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
