having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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