Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
