yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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