GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
