Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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