OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
