I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
