Pants 0. Shit 1.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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