The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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