im six kinds of drunk right now
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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