you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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