i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
